Acceptance

Everyday I move closer to the edge thinking this is the edge, I hear myself say this is my edge. This where I end and all else begins, only to realise the edge is much farther than it seemed yesterday.
Everyday I become stronger and weaker - only to accept there is more.. More to me, to life and everything around me.

With each passing day I have come to know - to confine and define - is not to be, for each time you confine or define - it will be challenged only to be redefined.

For things and life cannot be contained in little boxes or definitions, for what may seem to be the edge now - will not be so tomorrow. For we evolve and devolve everyday - bit by bit, little by little.

Knowing it and actually accepting are two mutually exclusive events.

This is what I now know and accept:

We change. Things change. Equations change. People change. Even the change will change.

And if you don't like the change either you change the change or you change yourself.

Bottomline, Change.

Blah blah

Talk and talk we do.
But how much do we really convey?

Rather, how much do we choose to convey?

I guess, most of the talk we do is hollow. Empty conversations just filled with words. To make us feel - like we have shared. Like we have lifted a load. And now we must feel lighter.

But do we really?
How many times have we talked and actually felt lighter?

We have filled our lives with things, to avoid this ever looming sense of hollowness, than to actually embrace it. For this sense, of hollowness is - who we really are.

We escape from ourselves - in our social lives, works lives, personal lives. We never have - "me time" or "I time". We don't spend time reflecting on our actions, thoughts and our inner demons. In fact , we spend time and essentially our lives being " cool " or appearing " cool ".

Is it the constant need of attention or acknowledgement?
Or is it just escapism?

I guess when we supposedly - "share" we erode/ deplete ourselves. And because we are in this constant need & race to supposedly "share" - we end up depleted, when we most need ourselves - for us.

Oil and water

I have a heart, that beats
that hops skips and jumps
at the very sight of you
that dances a little
when it's your time to come
that smiles
at how blissful our little life is

I have a heart that stops, some times
when the sunlight filters, through those honey coloured eyes
when the summer breeze, gently messes up your hair
when your lips part and you utter my name


I have a heart that silently weeps
for each day lived, is another day lost
for even an eternity with you would never be enough

I have a heart, that beats in me
to let me know -
how blessed, I am
and how wretched, time is.

IT

More often than I should, I think about it.
About, just how conveniently it would cease all my worries.
About, how going through just another day will not feel like a mammoth task.
About, how easy and peaceful it would be  
About, how this pain in my being would stop suddenly.
About, how much it would devastate my family.
About, how my breathing and beating would cease.
About, how nothing would matter. That all that mattered would be lost. Forever.

But, I carry the pieces my life and myself.
I stitch and sew.
I mend and bend.
And move, I do. Move to find what eludes me most.

And I do think about it, still, more often than I should.