More often than I should, I think about it.
About, just how conveniently it would cease all my worries.
About, how going through just another day will not feel like a mammoth task.
About, how easy and peaceful it would be
About, how this pain in my being would stop suddenly.
About, how much it would devastate my family.
About, how my breathing and beating would cease.
About, how nothing would matter. That all that mattered would be lost. Forever.
But, I carry the pieces my life and myself.
I stitch and sew.
I mend and bend.
And move, I do. Move to find what eludes me most.
And I do think about it, still, more often than I should.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The zip incident
Last Saturday, I got a beautiful red black dress.
It was the kind of dress that you look at - on the mannequin and just have to have.
I was so so keen to wear it and have it that I did not really care about the zip which was a little troublesome.
I thought for a dress as perfect as this I am sure I could put up with a troubling little zip.
Today, I decided to wear it. I put out my best pair of black leggings, matched my shoes, jacket, even decided on the perfume - the works. After all, it was "the" dress.
After scrubbing and shining myself I slipped in the dress. I was so excited, then, started the struggle with the seemingly trivial zip problem. It moved a few inches and then it was stuck. I could not pull it up. I could not pull it down. It was stuck. I could not get out of the dress with out actually hurting myself or the dress. And the clock is ticking.
I then try waxing the zip. Tried the lead on the zip. It just would not budge.
My mind is racing with thoughts of the things lined up at work. I m very aware of the tick tock of the clock. And the stupid zip would just not budge. It was like the zip wanted to just get back at me. My mind was like:
Panic. Panic. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
Why did Pallav (my husband) had to leave early today?
Oh Zip please come up. Up. Up. Up.
After struggling with it over 20 mins, I decided to just wear the jacket and head to work and get some help there, with the stupid zip.
I sit in the car and fire it up and I am like - Oh god what if I have an accident how will I explain the zip? What am I going to tell my manager - who is a man - oh I am sorry for being late my zip was stuck?!
I got to work safely, got help from a very kind colleague to do it up for me.
Moral of the story : Details are just as important as the package.
It was the kind of dress that you look at - on the mannequin and just have to have.
I was so so keen to wear it and have it that I did not really care about the zip which was a little troublesome.
I thought for a dress as perfect as this I am sure I could put up with a troubling little zip.
Today, I decided to wear it. I put out my best pair of black leggings, matched my shoes, jacket, even decided on the perfume - the works. After all, it was "the" dress.
After scrubbing and shining myself I slipped in the dress. I was so excited, then, started the struggle with the seemingly trivial zip problem. It moved a few inches and then it was stuck. I could not pull it up. I could not pull it down. It was stuck. I could not get out of the dress with out actually hurting myself or the dress. And the clock is ticking.
I then try waxing the zip. Tried the lead on the zip. It just would not budge.
My mind is racing with thoughts of the things lined up at work. I m very aware of the tick tock of the clock. And the stupid zip would just not budge. It was like the zip wanted to just get back at me. My mind was like:
Panic. Panic. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
Why did Pallav (my husband) had to leave early today?
Oh Zip please come up. Up. Up. Up.
After struggling with it over 20 mins, I decided to just wear the jacket and head to work and get some help there, with the stupid zip.
I sit in the car and fire it up and I am like - Oh god what if I have an accident how will I explain the zip? What am I going to tell my manager - who is a man - oh I am sorry for being late my zip was stuck?!
I got to work safely, got help from a very kind colleague to do it up for me.
Moral of the story : Details are just as important as the package.
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